


Freedom

by fan_nerd



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Gender Identity, M/M, Other, regular world au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-30
Updated: 2014-03-30
Packaged: 2018-01-17 14:37:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1391374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fan_nerd/pseuds/fan_nerd
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He wears what he wears because it's comfortable, and anyone who doesn't understand isn't worth his time, really.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Freedom

"I can wear this?" The boy blinks up at the clerk, and then at his mother. A thousand emotions cross her face, but she finally settles on a smile.

"You can wear whatever you want, sweetie."

That's how it starts.

* * *

Children are cruel and ruthless.

His classmates tease and mock him for his choice of clothing, but he, quite frankly, doesn't care. A dark-haired girl with narrow eyes stands up for him; a blonde boy with an old-fashioned haircut helps. He thanks them for their support, but tells them it wasn't altogether necessary. His mother had warned him that this would happen, and he doesn't care about getting along with the others in their class, anyhow.

The two of them simply nod in agreement, and they become his constant companions in a matter of weeks. They try not to ask very many questions about his hobby, even though he's told them before that he doesn't really mind. He knows that his choices aren't exactly  _typical_  – that they border on  _abnormal_ , really – so he's prepared for any alienation he may face in coming years. Eventually, they work up the courage to be comfortable with him no matter what, and they get to the point that they can smile, laugh, and joke about the subject without fear of fists flying between them.

Mikasa cradles the boy as she grows ever taller, offering to give him her hand-me-downs. Armin shyly admits that he'd always wanted to try it too, but would never go so far as to do it everyday, and especially never at school. Their friend smiles between them, and he crosses his arms.

"No one's gonna force you. I do it because I like it and it's comfortable. If you want to, do it. Me and Mikasa'll beat the snot out of anybody that looks at you wrong!"

Armin laughs and shrugs, and happily replies, "Maybe some other time," and his friend shrugs in acknowledgement.

* * *

Middle school is the worst time, honestly.

The young man is growing hair in strange places, his wardrobe continually expands, and his hair is a bird's nest. People whisper about him in his face, hateful words and sneers that stick to his skin at night. Sometimes, he considers giving this hobby – no, it's always been more than that – up, but he blatantly refuses to change his habits to meet their needs.

Of all the people he's met that have disapproved of his fashion choices, Jean Kirschtein, resident bully, is the worst of them all. He pulls at his hair and whispers things like, "faggot", "homo", and "disgrace" at all given opportunities.

His temper was already short enough before the bully elbowed his way into his space.

Fists fly, and Jean Kirschtein ruins his favorite sweater.

The meeting with the two of them, the counselor, their parents, and the principal is tense, to say the least. It starts off quietly enough, with both boys' parents hurriedly making excuses for their children, and forcing them to grind out apologies. But then, when the counselor starts making assumptions about both of them, they both start shouting in retaliation.

They earn in-school suspension together, complete with apology letters and silence.

The first day wasn't so bad – they both have homework to do, and they're both still pretty pissed about the fight. By the second, they have a steady truce built. They could pass notes after they finished with work, and were allowed to chat during lunch period.

Jean, unlike Mikasa and Armin, was intrusive and rude. Eren valiantly tried not to let the bully get on his nerves with all of his stupid questions.

_Do you masturbate? Do you want to chop your dick off? Do you like girls? Or guys? Or both?_

_Not really. Absolutely not._   _I don't really care._

 _Then why do you dress up like a girl? Why wear makeup and nail polish and decorations? You're a boy, right? Do you_ _**want** _ _to be a girl?_

 _Because I can. I like girl's clothing. Do you have some sort of problem with that? Putting on nail polish feels good sometimes, but yeah, I'm a bonafide dude. I've never wanted to_ _**be** _ _a girl. I'm comfortable like this. Isn't that enough?_

_I guess. It's just weird to think about it that way._

_Well, start thinking._

* * *

After that week of suspension, Jean just sort of worms his way around. With Jean come others – Connie, Marco, Reiner, Annie, Sasha. For whatever reason, when Jean picks on him after that fight, he's a hell of a lot  _nicer_  about it. He stops asking stupid questions, so Mikasa and Armin think it's fine.

Eren doesn't really get it.

* * *

People stop whispering in eleventh grade. His teachers compliment his choices. He's getting taller, he learns to shave his leg hair and maintain his appearance, and he's comfortable in his own skin. A senior stops by his homeroom and looms in the doorway. He's short, and his expression is stern.

"Hey," the senior begins, arms folded across his lithe chest. "Come with me for a minute."

The youth follows for whatever reason, even though class is about to start. He's brought in front of a ragtag group – blondes and brunettes, 'males' and 'females', and someone undefined. The short senior that dragged him here introduces everyone – Erwin, Hanji, Mike, Petra, Nanaba, and himself, Levi. He says that they all have hobbies that are a little bit like his, or maybe they're not. Levi notes that he thought it might've been nice for him to know that they're around at school, even if he doesn't actively seek them out.

The youth abruptly begins to cry, sobbing his gratitude into the shorter male's shoulders.

Levi pats his back gently, and his friends see something that he doesn't in that moment.

* * *

Months after the introduction, he finds out that the senior that had dragged him off was famous for his makeup, cleanliness, and being president of the theatre club. He spent that time in awestruck admiration, and his friends shouldn't be surprised by his announcement after winter break, but they are.

"We're dating." Mikasa drops her fork midway through lunch, Armin mouths his congratulations, and Jean chokes on his drink. For some reason, both he and Mikasa have strange looks on their faces as their old friend smiles sheepishly.

"Oh," Jean finally murmurs, glancing sideways at Mikasa. "I suppose you'll bring him to lunch soon, then?"

"His lunch period is different from ours." He replies, looking entirely too ecstatic. "I'm so happy, you guys. I mean, I never really thought the whole dating scene would be…okay. You know, since I'm like this. But I think it'd be really nice to date Levi. I want things to go well. You understand, right?"

They don't. They really, really don't.

* * *

He tries to hold onto his bonds with Levi's group and his own group, but he gets swept away by it all for the first few months. Not to mention, Levi's going be starting at the local college soon, so there's that. They spend as much time as he thinks is appropriate together, and then he flies back to his friends, who try to open their minds about his boyfriend.

For whatever reason, Mikasa and Jean are fidgety. Armin is the one to unfortunately deliver the news that they're sleeping together, bitterly enough.

Eren runs right back to his boyfriend's house after this announcement, equal parts furious with them and disappointed in himself for failing to notice this development between them.

Levi coaxes him to a broken rest. The next morning, he presses feather-light kisses at the hinge of his younger boyfriend's mouth, strong arms winding around his wiry frame.

* * *

Armin and Mikasa are sitting at the table across from him, and he tries to hold back his glare. Mikasa makes up excuses and yells that the cross-dresser doesn't have any right to tell her how to live. He laughs desperately, agreeing with her through watery eyes. She takes back her hand and tearfully apologizes for lashing at him. He holds up a hand before wiping his nose and truly glaring at her with the full weight of his anger.

"No, go ahead. Say what you wanted to say." He stands his ground with his hands on his hips. "Might as well get this over with while we're still on summer vacation."

Mikasa's lips wobble in an apology, so he snaps again, riling her on purpose. Finally, she murmurs things in a small voice. "I was the one who always helped…I wanted to protect you, but you never listen to me! I wanted…I wanted to be the one who showed you things. Who got to know you like that. I never wanted it to be…to be someone else."

"So, you're saying you like me." He brusquely noted, scowl growing ever deeper. "You had  _years_  to tell me, and now you're sorry you didn't say anything before Levi did?"

"Yes." Mikasa wept in an ugly manner, brushing away her tears with the back of her hand and sniffling intermittently. Armin tried to ease their emotions, helping in the best way he could, but he was awed when their friend stuck out his hand and offered the girl a tissue.

"I'm sorry I didn't notice." He plopped down, ignoring the way his short-shorts rode up and the way his earrings were caught in his hair. "I'm really sorry, Mikasa. You're my best friend, and I love you…just maybe not like that."

"I know." Mikasa sniffled again. "I really do. I'm frustrated with  _myself_."

After the boys gave her time to regain her composure, she told them that she'd been sleeping with Jean to see if she could, and they were both broken-hearted. She wasn't sure if they could date anymore, now that she'd settled things. It hadn't been awful…but she didn't want to lead him on anymore, either. _Besides,_ she'd noted before leaving the boys with a smile.  _I think he has something to come to terms with, too._

* * *

Jean avoided him after their break up. It was really strange.

The dark-skinned youth with amber eyes got better coordinating his clothes, shoes, bags, and light makeup. For the months leading up to graduation, he pondered over college and work while lounging with the blonde male and the dark-haired young woman. They were a gorgeous trio. From afar, Jean could be nothing but absolutely jealous. When the second-tallest of the group stood, wearing new shoes and a brilliant smile, the sandy-haired youth watching him knew exactly who was picking him up from school that afternoon.

* * *

The graduation party was a lovely affair. His mother gathered all the adults for their celebration, leaving the youths time to enjoy themselves. The boy's boyfriend was charming his way through hordes of older women, who cooed over his hair and his muscles, despite his short stature. The green-eyed youth dating him was so proud.

He ran downstairs to meet his chatting friends with a smile, only to be pulled aside by Jean.

"What is it?" The shorter male scoffed impatiently. His lips were seized in a brief kiss, and Jean pulled away flustered and flushed. Before he could make up an excuse for himself, the dark-haired, dark-skinned youth punched him square in the nose.

"I'm in love with you," Jean murmured, nursing a nosebleed.

The bangles on his wrists clanged as his arms fell to his side, and he scowled deeply. "Well, that's definitely the wrong way to let me know. We're not done with this, but it's a party. Come to the house tomorrow. We'll talk."

* * *

They sat across from each other, the youth in his summer heels, an airy skirt, and a classy blouse. His earrings were studs today, and his wrists were bare. It was a natural kind of day.

"How long."

"I dunno. Years."

He sipped at his lemonade. "You know, I thought you might've liked me once, but you were always so busy making fun of my wardrobe that I never wanted to find out."

Jean turned red, clenching his hands together tightly. "I'm sorry. I was just embarrassed. To be honest, I do it too. Y'know. Wear that kind of stuff, I mean."

Now that  _was_  a surprise. The green-eyed youth nearly choked at the confession. "Really now. How long?"

Sheepishly, Jean smiled. "Years." He reached in his pocket and pulled out his phone. He flicked through photos and found one of himself, all dolled up, complete with a wig, makeup, and a lovely sense of style. "I never worked up the courage to do stuff like you did, though. You're really brave, you know. I've got the fists to stop people from making fun of me…but in the end, it all comes down to recklessness, and being stupidly honest." His old friend wants to sock him one, but patiently waits. "I really do love you, you know. I just…when I see you together with him, I know what I missed out on. I really do."

"Okay." He accepts his words with a disgruntled expression. "Maybe if you hadn't been such an asshole to me, we could've worked."

Jean smirks, punching him on the barren shoulder. "Maybe. But the world doesn't run on what-ifs, and you're in love with your boyfriend."

Eren smiles tenderly. "Yeah. You're absolutely right."

* * *

Levi licks the back of his ear and presses his palm against his groin before smirking against his shoulder planes. "You want to?"

"Shit," Eren murmurs, red up to his hairline. "Yes, please. Absolutely."

His older boyfriend scowls at his hesitant expression. "You sure? You know I don't mind." Levi carefully looks at him. The jean skirt is running up, revealing the bulge in the lace undergarments, but he would never force him. "You can be on top if you want to be."

Eren runs his fingers through the fibers of the wig until he finds the buzz-cut of his boyfriend's natural hair. He turns around and kisses him, rutting right into Levi's hand. "It's fine." He carefully unclasps the necklace the shorter male was wearing, slowly works the earrings out of their place, and watches as Levi does the same for him. They slowly strip each other of their garments, and lie there, bare and undeniably male in body. Not like they ever forget that.

"Do you ever want to be a woman?" Levi murmurs a mood-killer, but Eren goes along with his pace, shaking his head.

"As long as you'll have me the way I am. That's all I want." Eren assures his boyfriend, squirming, adjusting, and then kissing him deeply. "You?"

Levi laughs heartily. "Sometimes. But that's something to deal with another day. Would you still love me?"

"Of course I would," Eren says wholeheartedly, tracing long fingers over that bare chest. "I'd love you with or without breasts, whether you have a dick or not. I want you to be who you want to be, and as long as you're happy, I'm happy. I don't care about that kind of thing."

Arching into the brat's touch, the older male groans. "I know you don't. I know." His head falls in the crook of the tan male's neck again. "I don't know how  _I_  got you, but I'm so thankful."

* * *

He has conversations with his mother from time to time, talking about his boyfriend becoming his girlfriend. The woman tells him that people will think they're lesbians, but he doesn't care. He's never cared. He's not going to change the way he dresses over this. People thought they were lesbians when they went out together already, so who cared.

Mikasa was doing better. She was starting to really move on. Armin had always been so levelheaded, and the rest of their friends from high school were supportive of him, his boyfriend, and his boyfriend's choices. Jean wasn't really over him yet, but they were really friends now, instead of constant antagonists for each other.

Levi's friends celebrated at every given opportunity, coming over with presents, smiles, and, eventually, booze. After Levi's first surgery, when Eren stood close at his side, clutching his hand for dear life, Eren truly realized that there was a place for them. There would always be alienation, hatred, and misunderstanding, but he'd had a partner to go through the struggles with him for years, and he had no intention of letting him go.

 _I love you_ , Levi had murmured, sour-faced and blank, but his hands shook with gratitude.

_I love you too._

**Author's Note:**

> Important to me, and also self-indulgent. I really wanted to explore this concept a lot, and gender struggle is close to my heart. Thank you for reading!! <3


End file.
